areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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