I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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