Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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