you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
