Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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