you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
