Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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