he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
