that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I need moral support for this bender
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
