How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
