And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
