Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
