Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
