omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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