By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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