Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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