maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
