i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
