There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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