At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
