I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
