I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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