between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
