He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
