shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
