I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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