I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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