I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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