I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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