This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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