the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
