I wish I could punch you in the face.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
