I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
