all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
