Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
