I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
