Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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