I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
