the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The uberlube is also flammable
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
