It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
