sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Someone signed my nipple.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
