u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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