dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
