Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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