it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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