btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
