5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He kissed a someone with a penis
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
