Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
