if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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