He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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