You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
