I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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