My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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