I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
try to milk me bitch
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