I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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