Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
