she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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