Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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