My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
