Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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