So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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