I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
