I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
