Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
