i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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