i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
