My hand turned me down
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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