He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
