Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
