so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
vagina is talking i cant
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize