and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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