Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
