i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm at about main and main street
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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