I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
