That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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