shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
