is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
