K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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